Cancer is a very intimidating word; it’s scary. No one likes to hear it because the most common association is directly with the word “death”. The last word anyone associates it with is “beauty”. One of the most important lessons I learned from mom during this battle with cancer is that real beauty comes within yourself. Illness doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re ugly or frail; it can also represent strength and beauty.
During the entire process of treatment, mom always made sure that she dressed nice and never verbalized how awful she felt – her self-confidence was amazing. During the first weeks of chemo, mom’s hair was beginning to fall out. She began noticing it when she’d brush her hair and sometimes even when untying her ponytail because the hair would fall right out into her hand. Initially it was very hard for mom, treatment takes a toll on the emotions as well, but mom took a brave decision and decided to shave her head completely. It was more difficult for mom to see her hair fall out in small batches rather than just having it removed entirely.
After getting her hair shaved off, mom would often use hats and handkerchiefs on her head because she didn’t like to go outside looking dressed down and didn’t want to see herself as someone sick. Mom always said to me, “this cancer is temporary, it’s not here to stay. Even though I may not feel at my best, I won’t let my image convey my emotions”. She made sure to reflect that mentality in her image because she refused to leave the house without makeup (as simple as it may be) and always picked her best outfits to wear.
One day, mom came home from an appointment with several papers along with a wig catalog from the American Cancer Society. I remember when she sat down next to me and eagerly pointed out which ones she liked the most. She said to me, “Look how nice these wigs are, which one do you think would look best on me?” As we looked through her favorites, I noticed one in particular which stood out to me because it was styled just the exact way mom liked to get her short haircuts. It was a bob type style with the semi-pointy sideburns exactly the way mom likes to shape hers and it also had a bang that fell right on the eyebrows. I pointed it out to mom and said, “This one looks just like you. It’s got the style you prefer and everything – get this one.” She took a closer look and with beaming eyes said, “Oh yes, that’s right! What color would look good?” Whenever mom had a color dilemma she would always turn to me considering my designer skills, so I looked through closely and saw a brown one with highlights in it and showed it to her.
Eventually, mom ended up getting the exact style and color of wig that I had pointed out and fell in love with it when it finally arrived in the mail. That day was like Christmas morning for mom, she was excited and I was overjoyed to see how happy she was; I hadn’t seen her that happy for a long time since she had started treatment. By this point, mom was fully bald since hair had completely fallen off, so having the wig in her hands boosted her self-confidence. She quickly went into the bedroom to use the mirror as she put on the wig, adjusted it, brushed the hair into place, and stepped out into the living room to show me as she said, “How do I look?”. It was a PERFECT fit! Mom looked amazing and the happiness lightened up her face. It almost seemed like mom didn’t have anything when she put on the wig – no one would’ve known she was sick of cancer unless she’d say anything. Mom was so excited that she quickly asked me to take a picture of her.
Since that day, mom always used her wig whenever she went out to her appointments or run errands. Every time she used it, you could see how confident mom felt about herself. She would dress up, put on her makeup, fix her wig into place, and step outdoors with her head held high. No matter how weak or tired mom felt on the inside, she would totally transform into a more confident person whenever she dressed up. Many people mistook the wig as mom’s own natural hair and were often in awe when she’d say it wasn’t. It amazed me to see how well mom was caring for her own self-confidence despite the rough waters she was facing. I always knew mom as someone of strength, but this entire process gave me an insight of her self-esteem.
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