Well, it’s been quite some time since my last post. Life has taken up most of my time and I realize now that this particular blog would’ve been the perfect refuge to document my emotions during the last few years. Despite that realization, I tend to be a very reserved person with my personal battles, so I guess that in essence has influenced my decision not to post things immediately.
It’s been 5 years exactly since I moved to Puerto Rico, but this time I have returned back home to my beloved New York. In that time I managed to pursue and complete Graduate school (I recently graduated from my Master’s program). A LOT of things has happened in my life, but the most significant and impacting experiences have occurred within the last two years.
This blog is focused on my relationship with mom, so I am ready to share our most recent uphill battle:
Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2014.
I still remember the day I got the news as if it were yesterday. I had just gotten off on my lunch break at work when a call from my mother came through on my phone. She had gone to the hospital to pick up the results of the biopsy she had the week before. Mom gave me the news in tears; in an instant I felt my knees weaken and my heart drop. It felt like the wind was blown out of me unexpectedly. I broke down into tears so badly that eventually I was released early from work.
I remember driving home so quickly as the tears kept streaming down my face and as soon as I saw mom I hugged her. Ironically, I should’ve been the one consoling her in that moment, but mom has always demonstrated such strength even amidst the situation at hand. I wanted to comfort her, but instead it was mom who consoled me and said “Don’t worry, I am going to be okay. God will carry me through.”
The following months involved chemotherapy sessions; the first few were the most difficult to get through. Mom was generally doing well, but since chemo was new to her body she would usually react to it most at least a day after. Mom’s chemo sessions were every two weeks on Thursdays, so I made sure to stay with her on those weekends in order to be able to look after her. On her chemo days I would drop by after work and check up on her, give her some food, medications and made sure she was fine before leaving to my house.
In November 2014, mom underwent surgery for a double mastectomy. The cancer was originally diagnosed in her right breast, but mom eventually decided to have both removed because there were probabilities that the cancer would affect her left breast as well. Mom said to me “I don’t want to go through this process again.” The day of her mastectomy surgery for me was probably just as bad (or worse) as the day I got the news of her diagnosis. I was an emotional wreck: scared for the worst, anxious for the results, exhausted…etc. The months leading up to the surgery for me were grueling after putting so much effort into being the caregiver and providing support for mom; it is not easy being strong for two people – yourself and your family member.
Throughout the entire time of mom’s diagnosis and treatment I lived on my own and worked full time, so you can imagine the exhaustion I felt having to take care of my needs and also be there to care for mom. After all, I was alone caring for mom because my oldest sibling lived in N.Y. at that time (she came to P.R. in November for the mastectomy surgery) and there were very few family members nearby that were able to help during the process. For the most part of the time, it was just mom and I fighting the battle together.
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